Friday, December 31, 2010

Alanis Morissette

I had forgotten how much I miss her. Not zen, buddhist, married, well adjusted, new mom Alanis but edgy, angry, angsty oh so vocal Alanis.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Last Day

At 1:38 today I turned off the light in my office and walked out. Prior to that I had walked around and said my goodbyes and remained resolutely cheerful and dignified. No tears. Not until I looked out my window at the view of the river and at my desk completely denuded of all my personal touches, like the feathered stripper shoe pen and teapot collection. Suddenly it became a moment of lasts- last time turning out the light, last time in the elevator (which went straight from our floor to the lobby- an almost unheard of circumstance), last time pulling out of the garage...ugh.

If you don't stop and think about things you can move through them without much pain. It's when you slow down that it can hurt. I'm going to stop thinking until January 3rd. Right now it is the holidays and there are presents to open, places to go, food to eat and a helluva lot of wine to drink. For that I'm grateful and as dear old Scarlett said, "After all, tomorrow is another day."

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Not what I wanted to hear

Walking back from lunch last week I turned an expectant eye to the corner where the little horse is always tethered waiting but he was gone. I tried to take the zen path and smile knowing his owner had reclaimed him or moved him to a spot where he was needed more but inside I knew that whatever universe I inhabited was going to implode.

One hour later that was confirmed when I went in for my yearly review (fully prepped with the top 5 projects I’d like to focus on in 2011) only to hear that despite my being such a great gal and hard worker fully acclimated to the needs of the organization to the point of being prescient the goddamn SEC was going to cost them so much money they could not afford to employ me any longer.

I can’t speak for anyone else (but I’d love to hear from those who have gone through it) but I did not react in the way I would have hoped. No crying, cursing or screaming. I saw Up in the Air! I know what you're supposed to do but did I? No. In fact when the schmuck who handled the matter hugged me I patted his back because he made me feel bad for him! What kind of fucked up training is that? I’m pretty sure there is no man on the planet who gets laid off and hugs the axeman.  But a woman does. Cuz she’s been raised to be polite. 

I didn't show anger until I got home and threw a roll of Christmas wrapping paper at my husband (Target was on the way and rage shopping is always fun) but it passed quickly. In fact I got all new agey and decided to wrap presents and do a load of laundry to try and make something positive out of such massive shittiness.

Anger passed and then depression and self loathing moved in. Two of my favorite tenants because they’re quiet. They’re also relatively easy to hide so you don’t inconvenience anyone else. Kind of like the time in college going to a basketball game in a crowded car (5 people in a Miatta) when my hand got closed in the door and I rode that way to the arena because I knew everyone was uncomfortable and pulling over to open the door would take extra time. Take that to your shrink!

Past events I need to share with my therapist aside this feels bad. Really really bad. I was given until the 24th (last day office is open before Christmas break) and while I certainly need every dollar, going in and making nice, being gracious and exhibiting a professionalism and dignity I do not feel is killing me. It’s exacerbated by the fact that I can’t even melt down when I get home because my stepson is visiting and the last thing my battered ego needs is for him to go back to his psycho bitch mother and tell her I am unemployed. So I lie and smile from the time I get up until I go to bed.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin

I just read that Gosselin was going to be on an episode of Palin's show and could only marvel at how once again nature has prevailed with a perfect pairing. Like flies and shit.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Christy Turlington

Is anyone else as pleased as I am that this unique beauty is back in the fashion pages? 41 and she is still gorgeous.

Almost makes me wish I had the money to buy whatever she is selling (and I do mean the Louis Vuitton necklace below).

from Harper's Bazaar, Nov 2010

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Multiple Sclerosis and Reality TV Part 2

Back to the seamier side of reality TV and my favorite disease- MS.

In the spirit of saving the best for last how about the plastic twit on the Real Housewives of DC? Her case makes me nuts because there is no proof of her having the disease; it was only introduced by her and her toad-like grifter husband when they were pinned against the wall regarding their actions at the White House a year ago. The majority of what she says about the disease is completely inaccurate but some multiple sclerosis organizations are now paying her to appear at their fundraisers. WTF??!!!!! There are loads of real people out there who hold down real jobs, raise real families and deal with real disability so why give exposure to some haggard idiot with a track record of lying about every single detail of her life? This is already a highly misunderstood disease (it’s NOT muscular dystrophy and it’s not like diabetes) so anything or anyone that hinders its credibility and understanding is something that will piss me off mightily.

What is just as appalling (if not more so) is that both of these horrors use her disease as justification for their behavior. On a Q&A show when questions about their finances and ongoing lawsuits grew too pointed and their nonsensical answers of “people are so mean” brought no relief the husband finally starting shouting, “She has MS. She has MS!!” 

Aaaahhhh….I get it now. Having MS means you can lie, cheat and steal with impunity. It’s the ultimate get out of jail free card in the monopoly game of life. So why didn’t my neurologist tell me this when I got my diagnosis? And why isn’t it mentioned in the multiple sclerosis club handbook?

This woman is an affront to anyone with any disability. Our government has way more important things to worry about but surely some lower level dept of justice personnel could be indicting her botoxed, badly bleached, fake tanned, scrawny ass for intruding on a WH event. AND messing with people with MS. And that’s enough about that.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Role Reversal?

Is anyone else experiencing any of the issues they used to deal with as a small child? Lately I've been bewildered on several occasions by forgetting to zip my pants.

And please don't remind me of the circle of life by pointing out I'll be in diapers again at some point.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Multiple Sclerosis and Reality TV Part 1

The following will build to an unmitigated rant so if you have a weak stomach or are sitting next to a small child move on to the next blog. No wait, don’t do that, please! Just let me vent because I don’t do it often and sometimes I really need to. Tell yourself that by reading this you are stopping me from driving a busload of kittens and bunnies over a cliff while eating far too much chocolate.

Please explain to me what feels like a sudden onslaught of women on reality TV who have MS and use it as an excuse for their bad, irresponsible, stupid (and sometimes illegal) behavior.

Let’s start with the mother on the show Downsized. I have no doubt this woman has MS but she seems to be playing as fast and loose with her treatment and understanding of the disease as she did with her finances (hence bankruptcy and 2 foreclosures). Don’t get me wrong- I have a modicum of sympathy for her situation because lots of people bought on credit and now it sucks to be them. But in all the episodes and discussions of her MS- including an entire episode about her MRI –she makes no mention of taking any of the disease modifying drugs despite having health insurance. Instead the only mention of any treatment she makes is that she MUST drink lots of Starbucks coffee to keep the fatigue away. WTF? Yes, fatigue is a big part of MS but there are drugs (that only cost $25 or less a month) specifically to treat fatigue and Starbucks ain’t one of them. Any legitimate neurologist (or PCP) has to have told her that caffeine is a stimulant that can cause more damage for people with CNS disorders because it stimulates your system temporarily. Then you crash. IT IS NOT A SOLUTION FOR MS. 

Oh and the fact that this woman does nothing more for her MS then get MRIs every 6 months is highly specious. Does she think she's serving the MS community by not talking about injections? Because they're painful and have unpleasant side effects? It's ludicrous, insulting and incredibly irresponsible. The drugs suck but they are the only options out there so you take them. Instead, she runs around being thin and tan making a difficult to understand disease more confusing to anyone watching. It's NOT fun, it's NOT without its effects, and even if you are wearing shorty shorts and tank tops and refusing to take drugs it is working it's way through your brain and spinal cord.

Deep breath. I’m going to take a Xanax and come back to this later.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010


If I have to defriend everyone I know who buys a Kindle I'll be running a deficit by the end of the year.
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