Met Gala 2014

Look I’m not interested in being one of those blogs that revels in bitchery but when a fashion event goes as far off the rails as the Met Gala did last week than I have to jump in. And usually, when I do, I try and mix the good with the ugly but this year it was all I could do not to pluck out my eyes.

Setting aside that Beyonce had just witnessed her sister try and beat down her husband in an elevator, there is still no excuse for this underwear covered by a sheer sparkly wrap look. And Naomi Watts has no excuse at all. This is diaper couture and adding meticulously layered bits of ombre chiffon doesn't make it any better.

This is the sheer maxi-skirt for the younger, hipper set and honestly, it's not the overlay that's the problem here, it's the mash-up of pattern and texture. Kristen Stewart, in all her awkward I-don't-want-to-be-here posing has chosen a skirt length that is just that- awkward. Shailene Woodley's embroidered silk overlay is lovely but the Game of Thrones feel to the top does nothing for her skin tone or figure.

I see a slip covered with a fishing net studded with feathered fishing lures. Why Prada thought this was the best way to showcase the beauty of Lupita Nyong'o is beyond me.

Fashion 101: horizontal stripes do not work on anyone. Trying to disguise them with a multi-hued effect and feathering of the fabric only makes this look like a craft project. The fact that this is Chanel makes me really sad.

Oh, Rodarte, really? You are usually so attuned to women's figures- what happened here? A hip length, frilly tier and bunchy, fussy top are just, well...unfortunate.

I respect Lena Dunham so much for her belief in herself and her refusal to play the shame game but, honestly, for big red carpet events someone needs to step in and style her. This is not a style to flatter her figure and her hair...she's so much better than this.

I am rendered almost speechless by this but then that would be no fun. Katie Holmes has spent years perfecting a style that gets her on best-dressed lists around the world but this, this, this is shockingly dreadful. The slightly crazed look in her eyes doesn't help.

In case, you don't recognize her under her vintage mop cap this is Kate Upton, widely acknowledged as the hottest model in the world and undisputed favorite in the Victoria Secret's runway shows. There have certainly been times when I've been jealous of her looks and figure but this is definitely not one of them. In fact, I'm willing to bet that the girl whose prom date she stole in high school styled this look for her.

On the brighter side, she wins for most heinous look of the evening.