2013 Oscars Recap

Here it is, Thursday, and I’ve made you wait until know to hear yet another Oscar recap. My apologies but let’s get right to it and start at the beginning. Literally. From the moment Seth MacFarlane opened in his mouth I was left wondering, ‘how much did he pay someone to get this gig’ because the show seemed largely to be an opportunity for him to sing and dance and exercise what appears to be a puerile and sexist sense of humor. Oh, I know, it’s Hollywood and they are puerile and sexist but an entire song and dance number dedicated to the premise that actresses only win an Oscar when they bare their breasts? That’s not camouflaged—that is in-your-face sexism and demeaning to every woman in the audience who had won Best Oscar. Also, it reminded me too much of that childhood song about three fishermen which culminates in a chorus using the word ‘dam’ which to a kid is as good as ‘damn’ and meant that you were screaming the word by the time you got to that point in the song and feeling like a real rebel. So, Seth got to say ‘boob’ two hundred times. Really? That’s funny? Again, it’s kind of sad and for me, the show went downhill after that. Even after the dreadful dance numbers, the scripted chatter from presenters made me wonder, ‘Is there a writer’s strike?’ I finally gave up and only tuned in at the end to see Argo win. 

In a different way, the female finery disappointed as well. Not the dresses as I saw plenty of interesting looks which I’ll share but overall, the styling was off, mainly in hair. Nicole Kidman is a classic (if Botoxed) beauty so messy hair doesn’t work and we’ve been visually abused for years by Jennifer Aniston’s “beachy” hair so why not try something else? Kristen Stewart, aside from her I’m-either-stoned-or-bored look had hair that looked like it had been through a blender and for all the lovely ladies (Kerry Washington, Sandra Bullock et al) who went with stick straight hair it just looked limp and unfinished.

Enough verbiage, here are my takes on Oscar fashion.

 

 

This has been beaten to death so I will only say that it is bad darts and a poorly constructed gown which is saying a lot considering it is Prada. It looks like a 4-H sewing project and even a gorgeous Tiffany's necklace can't help.

 

 

I chose Helen Hunt as my second picture as a counterpoint to the Anne Hathaway debacle. This dress is from H&M, a retail chain known for low prices, and yet, Hunt looks amazing. So there's no embellishment- that's why you have diamonds! Glam all the way around- including hair which was welcome this year.

 

 

 

This is about as classic and perfect as you can get in fashion. The dress is simple but impeccable (this is the bodice Hathaway wanted- exquisite) and with her short sleek hair and diamond encrusted wrists, Charlize Theron nailed it.

 

 

I don't know who's Jennifer Lawrence's stylist but they're good. Like Charlize, she's wearing Christian Dior Couture and they were the designer to beat. This photograph doesn't show the dress to best advantage but, again, we have a perfectly fit bodice, with the only embellishment being the textures fabric and the fact that the gown is actually white with an inset layer of soft pink. More great styling- soft hair, smoky eye, nude lip, and minimal jewelry.

 

 

 

Discounting Kidman's hair (ugh) these are two of the metallica looks that were prevalent on the red carpet. Naomi Watts is the clear winner in Armani Prive with a stunning asymmetrical neckline that was chic not costume-y. Her entire look is elegant and modern. I also like Kidman's L'Wren Scott dress with it's wet-look sequins and perfect fit. She's just not working it.

 

 

Sandra Bullock also went with the smoky eye, nude lip look but it's a bit off against her straight hair. A brighter lip might have helped. Her Elie Saab dress got mixed reviews but I thought it was a nice mix of sexy and restrained. There is no doubt that Renee Zellweger is working out and eating right but her face looks pained. The dress is Carolina Herrera and another example of outstanding craftsmanship. With it's liquid metallic fabric, it would show every flaw and yet Zellweger looks as if it was poured over her.

 

 

 

I couldn't pass it up- and this is one of Kristen Stewart's more engaged expressions. Her hair is a mess and the dress looks like it's going to fall off. There is effortless and then there's not even trying and Stewart is the latter.

 

 

Zoe Seldana's Alexis Mabile dress was one of my favorites. Simple form but with just the right amount of embellishments including the tri-tone fabric in the hem. She looks graceful but with an edge.