People's Choice Awards- Such As It Was

Awards season was ushered in by the People’s Choice show this week. Ushered is too big a word, though; more like flopped onto the stage like a half dead mackerel and stinking just as much. Still, I wanted to use it as strength training for the fashion Olympics that lie ahead: Fashion week in NYC, so I watched. You owe me, people because that is two hours of my life I’ll never get back.

Here’s what I learned:

One, this is a completely made up award (don’t say “just like all of them” hater). Who the “People” are is beyond me. OK, no it’s not. I'm just not one of them. They’re Justin Beiber/Twilight fans, namely the 14-24 demographic. I didn’t recognize 75% of the ‘celebrities’  (I’m really going to try and stop with the quote marks but honestly, this entire event screams air quotes) and I didn’t want to.

Two, just to make sure we’re clear, even the categories are made up and are a complete nonsensical mishmash of entertainment. Best Cable TV Comedy? Best Band? Best Actress under 25? Sweet Jesus- who cares? Why not add Best Exit Photo From Rehab? Or Best Actress in a Custody Battle?

Three, and here’s where I stop because my disgust is making my stomach hurt, the staging and graphics were off-putting, MTV-ish, noisy, and cheap. And the only celebrities who showed up were from the B-C list. Maybe they’ll be great one day but they’re not there yet.

And because I watched in the name of fashion here is the wrap-up. Photos aside the theme appeared to be hookers and boobs. Lots of both.

Someone named Ashley Greene who is new enough that she can't afford a stylist which is all right if you have good taste which she does not. Despite what it may have cost this dress looks like pleather, is cut at an awkward length, and so badly fitted you can see her navel and underwear (which I guess is good because it means she's wearing some). All around hideous and unflattering.

I really like Emma Stone (Easy A is hilarious) and I know this is Gucci but it does nothing for her.

Excessive cleavage aside this is a lovely dress in a gorgeous color. Very elegant.

Again, the kudos are for the color because this is a bit PTA-ish for Faith Hill. Almost as if she knew everyone else was going to be coming as a slut and wanted to set a good example for her daughters. Love the color.