I’m familiar with the concept of physical sloth and am pretty sure there are dictionaries out there with my picture under the word but it is only recently that mental sloth has ploughed its way into my brain. My thoughts, usually bouncy, springy, careening off the inner walls of my cranium and either exhilarating or tiring me, have now come to resemble what I believe is either the stuff left behind when you don’t change the oil in your car for 18 months (not that I would know, mind you) or what currently resides in our shower drain (tmi alert: I shed like a golden retriever).
I’m not depressed. I don’t feel bad about anything but neither do I feel good. I’m not tired but my brain is. How can that be?
Sorry, I’m back. I lost my train of thought and ended up playing Bejeweled Blitz (the most mindless addictive game online) on FB for 20 minutes. Where was I? Right- this is SO NOT good! I don’t have a bajillion followers and several corporate sponsors AND I’ve been doing this for less than a year so how could I be out of words? I say I want to be a writer but I can’t seem to muster the energy to do anything productive.
I have 2 pages of ideas and post titles but when I read them I can only think ‘that’s good but where was I going to go?’. The ideas are there but my words appear to have dried up, which is a feeling almost as terrifying as being locked in a coffin (no, I have no experience but am pretty certain I would not like it). It’s as if my brain has calcified and what used to flow is now a hard white chunk of obstinacy. The harder I push the worse it gets. I already know that my best writing flows from my mind and while not complete, requires only editing and tuning.
Now I’ve got nothing and instead of writing let myself flit from activity to activity (oohhh, another episode of Real Housewives from Somewhere!)- any distraction. I’m not comforted by the fact that I don’t appear to be alone. Some of the blogs I follow like Pink and Second Half have posted recently that they’re taking a break. If they, seasoned bloggers with oodles of followers, are letting go/walking away what does it mean for a neophyte like me? And more importantly, what’s going on???? What is this ennui overtaking us? Why do I suddenly feel that nothing I have to say is worth saying? It’s back-to-school time, everyone has returned from vacation and is buckling down to a fall filled with productivity. Why not me?
That’s a lot of questions and now I’m tired. In summation, I’ll point out that I’m going to go and IRON rather than continue writing because this is starting to make my brain hurt. Sad sad sad.
ironing in preference to writing?? This not good! :)
ReplyDeleteI had a mini break recently, I felt I had nothing to say and didn't want to write for the sake of writing.
Let it go, take a break (within days I wanted to come back).
I'm no seasoned writer and like you I felt I had no reason having been blogging for only a few months but I'm back and I'm happier having taken the pressure off for a while.
Even getting my first negative comment on a post that Id found really hard to write hasn't (I hope) put me off too much.
Think about it less and the words will soon start to flow again. You can't keep a good writer down :) x
I've been at this blogging gig for close to 4 years. I have had periods of such fog and writer's blog I've gone weeks and weeks without a post. Then it comes back, starts to flow and I can blog 3 times a day for a week.
ReplyDeleteI'm managing a post or two a day atm.
The trick is to stop forcing it. And stop forcing yourself to 'write'. just write. there's a difference. Trying to make it 'good' and be a 'writer' and the muse will elude you. Sometimes freewriting is the best thing you can do.
I also find picking a news topic and discussing it, analytically or otherwise, gets the juices flowing and it all comes flooding back to me.
it'll pass. In the meantime there's bejewelled (I'm told). Or Words with Friends (I"ve never played but downloaded it to my new smartphone yesterdayso I suspect I'm about to be hooked). :D
Screw the ironing though.
Well ladies, I took your advice and have NOT touched the ironing. Sigh.
ReplyDelete@Melissa- isn't it scary, though? That it's never going to come back? That's the thinking that winds me up- I can't seem to remember that it's temporary.
@Sarah Mac- I remember when you stopped- you're one of the people who worried me because I have always loved your writing (the home visit is one of the funniest posts ever) and I thought if you were out of words I was really screwed. I'm so glad you're back!
I've got some other things exciting me right now that will translate to the blog so hopefully it will get better. Don't be pervy- it's not sex, it's fashion!
What a great photo - so fitting! And I'm glad to see you're writing again, even if it's writing about not writing.
ReplyDeleteI think sometimes our brains just need a rest. Mindless games or tasks are just the ticket because writing takes a lot of mental energy. My son tells me Fruit Ninja is very addictive but I don't dare start down that path...
Here on the other side of the world the fatigue has also set in. Personally I think it's just September. I'm always tired at this time of the year and so is everyone else I know. We've been slogging away for 8 months of the year and there are still 4 to go. Close, but not quite close enough to a longish summer break...even though I know you've just had one! Perhaps we should just name it sluggish September. That works for me!
ReplyDelete