Marriage has so many potential pitfalls, some of them larger than others. Toothpaste tube squeeze- middle, end, don’t care? Bed etiquette- made every morning or why bother? Meal clean-up- dishes left in sink or immediately into the dishwasher?
Here’s one that has recently reared its ugly (and I do mean ugly) head. Sartorial choices. Does your loved one have some item of clothing that makes you cringe? That you swear he cannot be allowed to wear out in public? That you’ve threatened to toss, burn, or otherwise eliminate from the face of the earth? Just as importantly, do you have any such items?
When I’m home in the summertime (by which I mean the 5 days in August when Portland goes above 70 degrees) I like to wear comfortable shorts. Not anything I would wear in public (the grocery store does not count as public). When we first got married they were a pair of cutoff bleached out jeans aka Daisy Dukes. Yes, I was that young and foolish. As time has passed they have morphed into a pair of grey knit drawstring lovelies that come to mid-thigh. They may also have bleach stains on them but let’s not get fussy, shall we? They are so comfy and they come up to my waist, none of this low rise BS that means I’m constantly tugging and adjusting. Needless to say, J despises these shorts and as we neared last weekend and its promise of 85°, and I sighed about getting them out, he made comments about them ‘not being around anymore’ or me not being able to find them.
Would he have dared? The man who still has the same pair of Birkenstocks he wore 20 years ago (yes, I went ahead and married a man who owns Birkenstocks)? Who sometimes wore them with socks around the house? If he had trespassed into my clothing we were going to have a war of the roses level altercation only not so nice.
Thankfully (for his sake), when I unpacked my summer clothes my faves were there, freshly laundered and so soft I was immediately happy. I put them on and went into the garage to prance around in front of hubby. He only smiled a nasty little smile and said, “It’s a reprieve and nothing more. At any minute….”
Here they are- inoffensive, delightfully soft, comfortable shorts. What's not to like?!