Advance Notice

There’s something going on inside me these days and it’s reaching the point where I’m afraid my head is going to split open and some slimy alien is going to fall out. Either that or I will start speaking in tongues.

I’ve noticed posts from various bloggers I follow on how they’re feeling lately and there does seem to be a low level of agita out there. I have a dear friend who says that divine discontent (as she calls it) is just the universe’s way of bringing something wonderful to fruition in your life. It’s a lovely thought but my response has always been, “OK, I get it now bring it on! I’m ready, I’m tired of waiting and feeling bad, let’s do this”. Apparently, though, that’s not how the universe works and it is her schedule not ours. So, I wait and stew and grind my teeth and try to write and self-medicate with junk food.

I know the genesis of this go-round. It was the loss of a job for the second time in five years while hurtling downhill towards 50 with no brakes. I’ve been coping but the witches’ brew of thoughts and emotions- not all negative, mind you- has been growing and I’m afraid it’s going to come out here which is really scary. Mostly because a blog should be entertaining and I don’t want to alienate (or more importantly, BORE) the 10 people who follow me and any others who drop by on occasion.

I’ll let Mary Oliver close this post as she says it better than I can.

The Journey

One day you finally knew what you had to do, and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice-- though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles. "Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop. You knew what you had to do, though the wind pried with its stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their melancholy was terrible. It was already late enough, and a wild night, and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world, determined to do the only thing you could do-- determined to save the only life you could save.