Oscar Night Takeaways

Let's not pretend that last night was about movies. The Oscars mark the end of the fashion season for those of us who care and mean that we now have nothing to look forward to until fashion week in September. It's also about getting to watch beautiful people dressed in expensive (and uncomfortable) clothes and making your husband listen to your ongoing commentary about every minute of it from red carpet (Tim Gunn commentating!!) to midway through the show when I get bored.

Photos and opinions are everywhere so I've pared myself down to my key bullet points and a few favorite photos.

1. If I were famous and had the occasion to walk the red carpet I'm pretty sure I wouldn't talk to Ryan Seacrest. I have absolutely NO reason for this except he skeeves me out. Nothing about him seems sincere. Stop laughing- I know it's Hollywood and no one is sincere but he has more fake sincerity than most and it's creepy. Case in point: he called Sandra Bullock 'Sandy' as if they've known each other for decades. Offensive.

2. Sharon Stone rocked her look beginning to end. Fierce from the hair to the hem.

3. All Time Greats Award to: Helen Mirren because if she's made a fashion misstep in the last 10 years I missed it. Tonight the shorter hair, the dress- it's color and style, the jewels, all perfect.



4. Said it before and will bore you again- I love Helena Bonham Carter. I would give almost anything to be that disinterested in other people's opinions! She wears what she wants when she wants and I think it's fabulous.

5. Obviously, marrying Marc Anthony has not been a wise fiscal move for Jennifer Lopez- which given his (not) hot factor compared to hers leaves me wondering why the marriage happened at all. When it was Gucci print ads you could chalk it up to vanity and admire how glowy she and her progeny look. Venus razors and Loreal haircare commercials scream only one thing- I Need Money!!!! And if you were, in fact, a real actress, they're also a good indicator that your career is over.

Things I want: Colin Firth, the Cartier necklace worn by Amy Adams, and the following dresses: Halle Berry's Marchesa, Mandy Moore's Monique Lhuillier, and Celine Dion's Armani Prive (which is a big deal because her fashion batting average is not all that great). Also loved Gwyneth's earrings and Celine's necklace.

I Don't Want: the dresses on Mila Kunis, Scarlett Johansson, Marisa Tomei (she usually looks fabulous but this was blah), Cate Blanchett, and Nicole Kidman; to hear how "it is just an honor to be here" (please can someone find an opinion?!), and live hosts for the show- I'm pretty sure there's an artificial intelligence bot out there who could do the job with more aplomb.

I'm over: sequins stem to stern, little or no jewelry (it's the Oscars!!), and Christian Bale- his fashion choices, his facial hair and well, I've never liked him since American Psycho which he should have turned down.