I’m familiar with the concept of physical sloth and am pretty sure there are dictionaries out there with my picture under the word but it is only recently that mental sloth has ploughed its way into my brain. My thoughts, usually bouncy, springy, careening off the inner walls of my cranium and either exhilarating or tiring me, have now come to resemble what I believe is either the stuff left behind when you don’t change the oil in your car for 18 months (not that I would know, mind you) or what currently resides in our shower drain (tmi alert: I shed like a golden retriever).
I’m not depressed. I don’t feel bad about anything but neither do I feel good. I’m not tired but my brain is. How can that be?
Sorry, I’m back. I lost my train of thought and ended up playing Bejeweled Blitz (the most mindless addictive game online) on FB for 20 minutes. Where was I? Right- this is SO NOT good! I don’t have a bajillion followers and several corporate sponsors
I have 2 pages of ideas and post titles but when I read them I can only think ‘that’s good but where was I going to go?’. The ideas are there but my words appear to have dried up, which is a feeling almost as terrifying as being locked in a coffin (no, I have no experience but am pretty certain I would not like it). It’s as if my brain has calcified and what used to flow is now a hard white chunk of obstinacy. The harder I push the worse it gets. I already know that my best writing flows from my mind and while not complete, requires only editing and tuning.
Now I’ve got nothing and instead of writing let myself flit from activity to activity (oohhh, another episode of Real Housewives from Somewhere!)- any distraction. I’m not comforted by the fact that I don’t appear to be alone. Some of the blogs I follow like Pink and Second Half have been posted recently that they’re taking a break. If they, seasoned bloggers with oodles of followers, are letting go/walking away what does it mean for a neophyte like me? And more importantly, what’s going on???? What is this ennui overtaking us? Why do I suddenly feel that nothing I have to say is worth saying? It’s back-to-school time, everyone has returned from vacation and is buckling down to a fall filled with productivity. Why not me?
That’s a lot of questions and now I’m tired. In summation, I’ll point out that I’m going to go and IRON rather than continue writing because this is starting to make my brain hurt. Sad sad sad.