Saturday, November 20, 2010

Things I Miss



It’s a sunny Saturday afternoon and I’m rewarding myself with lunch at P.F. Changs after having to deal with a fashion disaster (the whole bootie thing went horribly wrong but that’s for another time). It’s only after I put down my magazine when my food arrives that I look around and realize that something is very wrong.
Almost every other table is filled with women. Two friends and their young children. A group of college girls sans boyfriends. A trio of older women who toast themselves with mojitos. Women laughing and leaning towards each other, confiding, observing, commiserating, gossiping.
I’m alone. More importantly, I am lonely.
I’m happily married living in a fun city with lots to do but I’m without the people who will go to the chick flicks, yoga classes, happy hours and malls with me.

Moving to Portland was a great and necessary thing. I didn’t like living in UT and being unemployed made me like it even less. To finally get a job in a place like Portland was good news all the way around.

Except. Except for the one thing I had that was better there than any of the other places I’ve lived. Girlfriends. Lots of fabulous women of all personalities and interests. I had book club friends, tennis friends, yoga friends, movie friends, and shopping friends. I had 'discuss the same things about our relationships over and over again' friends! And I’m a freaking introvert!

To anyone single who may read this and think I’m a whiner because I’m married I’ll only say that even the best of men cannot (and would not want to) replace good friends. I simply don’t buy that ‘my husband is my best friend’ crap. He may be but do you really want to talk to him about bloating, how you have no eyebrows left but still need to wax every week, your emotional temperature? And does he want to hear it? NO. I won’t go into my beliefs about marital sharing right now but I will say that it is a very wise man who knows that he has his wife’s heart but that she still needs her girls.

So I eat sadly and quickly, pay my check and crack open my fortune cookie. Your judgment is off at this time. Rely on friends. And I really want to cry.
A shout out to some of the best wackiest smartest funniest most caring group of women I’ve ever known: Nicole, MJ, Shuree, Laura, Tina, Jacque, Alisyn, Kristin, Rebecca, Stephanie, Jennifer and Laurie. We have phone, email and FB but it is simply not the same.

8 comments:

Sarah Mac said...

I would be lost without my friends, I really feel for you. But new friends are there waiting to be made, I'm sure it won't take long.

Penny said...

Love this. I was only chatting to my best girlfriend on the phione yesterday about this. She moved to Tasmania years ago and I live in Sydney. And it's only now that she is really letting go of the old Sydney friends and keeping the ones worth keeping (I'm in that list!) and making lots more new friends in Tassie. She's saying yes to invitations now rather than thinking she already had a group of friends. It might work for you too? Good luck. Girlfriends are wonderful, aren't they?

Hear Mum Roar said...

I think if you've had great friends in your other towns, you will here too. It's just a matter of time:)

therhythmmethod said...

I can relate to this. I moved 'back home' only to find that I left my friends scattered all over the city. We have Facebook and email, but it's not the same. And yes, I have my husband and my kids, but who will watch Eat Pray Love with me?
Hope you've developed a new bunch of lovely friends in your new city.

Life In A Pink Fibro said...

I hear you on this. It's hard when you move because you lose those comfortable, 'call me anytime' friendships, replaced by 'getting to know you' coffees and the like. I hope things are better for you now!

Thanks for Rewinding at the Fibro.

Alida said...

I left all my girlfriends behind when we left the US to live abroad...I understand how you feel about having some girl time. Those times for me are few and far between.

Bewildered Bug said...

I know exactly where you're coming from. All my best girlfriends are scattered all over the world. I see some of them once a year if I'm lucky. It's hard when your "support group" isn't right there in easy reach.

I wrote about them for my linky with The Red Dress Club this week - it'll be up tomorrow (Tuesday). I don't have an addy yet or I'd leave it for you - but just go visit my blog you'll see it :) www.bewilderedbugs.blogspot.com

I hope you are feeling better!

Catherine said...

Sad to say but my situation has not changed. And now I'm unemployed which is even more isolating. I'm doing the best I can and grateful for what I have but some friends in PDX would be so nice!

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