The Man Has Got Me All Figured Out

My husband cautions me on how much data I feed into the beast via social media and online shopping to which I respond that, with my allergies, I’ve left enough DNA in used tissues in wastebaskets across the United States that it’s a moot point. The Man has got a complete genetic profile on me and can figure out my shopping habits from that. In a dingy lab somewhere someone is cloning me and not for the greater good.

However, without any involvement on my part it feels likes advertisers are getting ever closer to matching television viewing patterns to human behavior. There’s some serious and not always nice profiling going here.  It used to be soft drinks and smiling happy people living better lives but now a lot of ads seem to have abandoned the ‘this product will make your life better’ approach for the ‘this is who you really are and we’re going to work it’ attitude.

Case in point: During a one hour episode of any of the Real Housewives there will be not one but TWO ads for liposuction. OK, that’s almost a given considering that there’s more plastic in these women then in your local landfill but it still seems crass.

Here’s one that delights. TBS airs Seinfeld from 11-12 every night. In this time slot you will see Chili’s, Fabreze and beer ads. Odd combo until you think about it. If you watch Seinfeld late at night you must be the type of person who wants a 48oz steak marinated AND then grilled in butter and no vegetables. Then you take your fat ass home and plant it once again on your couch with an icy cold beer (which you will spill) from which you don’t move until you’re ready to hit Chili’s again for another saturated fat transfusion thereby requiring massive amounts of Fabreze for your couch to mask the excreted odors of your decaying body. Really? This is the Seinfeld demographic? Not even a pretense of a happy active lifestyle. Instead, it would seem that Madison Avenue has read the Surgeon General’s latest report and decided to go with it as a marketing plan. You’re fat, you’re lazy, you’re probably drunk so here’s ways you can perpetuate that lifestyle.

I’d get more worked up but if I don’t leave now I’ll miss the free sundae with a steak dinner at Chili’s.