The 2012 Oscars

As if getting to go to the Oscars isn’t enough this year's attendees (at least the important ones) have the opportunity to be interviewed by Tim Gunn, the god of fashion. IF I were an attendee I would have been beating the hell out of my publicist and acting the diva by demanding that I get to speak with him. I wouldn’t even care about going inside. It’s all about Tim.

Fantasy aside here’s the brutal truth: I didn’t watch the Academy Awards because even I, with my love of all things fashion and movies, am not willing to give up 3 hours of my life when I only care about 30 minutes of it. Instead I recorded it, fast forwarded through anything with the words technical/animated/foreign or documentary and all musical numbers and only watched presenters and categories I like. I was rewarded for this egregious lack of respect by our DVR cutting off the last 30 minutes so I don’t know who won best actor or movie.

Here’s my recap.

For the men I went with worst and best. I know we all age but if women can wear Spanx so can men. There is no excuse for Nolte’s look, although he did get his beard trimmed which counts for something. Still, if you know you are straining the buttons of your shirt KEEP. YOUR. JACKET. BUTTONED. Simple physics.

Hanks, on the other hand, looks better than he has since he did Castaway. This tux is cut to perfection and makes him look dapper. The pocket square is exactly right for the occasion- simple white. For men, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Couples. I’ll make this quick- Brad and George look great, although both need to get their pants properly hemmed as they shouldn’t puddle over your shoes. It’s their partners I have a problem with. All right, that’s not accurate either as I have no idea who Clooney’s partner is except that’s likely to have been a cocktail waitress at some point in her recent past. Now we’re down to the truth…

It’s no secret I am not a Jolie fan. There is something about her I don’t like. I’m pretty certain she has no sense of humor. She also doesn’t help things when she shows up wearing Mother’s velvet drapes and channeling Mae West. She did this dreadful skirt hiked up leg akimbo look at every opportunity, including when she was onstage presenting. Why?! And as for the blood red lipstick? We get it, you’re Elvira. Channeling Mae West.

Cameron Diaz can sometimes miss on the red carpet by trying a bit too hard to hold onto her hot body status. This year she went with Gucci and it works. Beautifully fitted and plain on the top but with chiffon and gold details on the bottom. Lovely.

Michelle Williams- loved the coral color of this Vuitton dress even if it clashes horribly with the red carpet. The style is all right, not an out and out favorite and the back is so dreadful I’m not showing it but overall she looked good.

Jessica Chastain pulled off this heavy Alexander McQueen dress even with boring hair and make-up. The gold embroidery is fabulous.

Tina Fey has got simple and classic nailed. This navy Caroline Herrera is wonderful and I like the peplum detail.

I’m going to give credit to the Bridesmaids girls because they have real not Hollywood figures and I feel like both Rudolph and McCarthy pulled it off. Rudolph freely admitted that she was spanxed from head to toe but I liked her form fitting Johanna Johnson especially the aubergine color and beaded details at the sleeve, waist and back. As for McCarthy, I like the softness of the look both in the color and in the styling. She’s big and she’s all right with that. The flow of this gown works on her.

Near misses: Emma Stone comes so close in this dress and I like her styling but the bow is simply too much. A hot floppy mess.

What can I say about Meryl? I ADORE her and I respect her desire to go her own way and not get ‘styled’ as so many celebrities do these days but the bohemian, slightly-messy look doesn’t work. She played Anna Wintour for God’s sake so she must know less is more but she still went with that belt. The draped on the top is not great either. Having said all that, she won, she’s funny and brilliant, and her skin is amazing.

Loved all the following bits: (from the top) Amazing intimidating diamond cuff by Anna Hu worn by Gwyneth Paltrow and Natalie Portman’s classic diamond necklace and drop earrings.
All about the back (which makes me so much happier than when it’s all about the boobs)- Maya Rudolph and Sandra Bullock. One is beaded and detailed the other an elegant scoop with beaded waist. Tina Fey working the updo and cat eye to perfection. Understated hair and make-up with a burst of color at the ear.

Did you watch? What did you love? Hate?