Thursday, June 9, 2011

Marital Compromises

Marriage has so many potential pitfalls, some of them larger than others. Toothpaste tube squeeze- middle, end, don’t care? Bed etiquette- made every morning or why bother? Meal clean-up- dishes left in sink or immediately into the dishwasher?

Here’s one that has recently reared its ugly (and I do mean ugly) head. Sartorial choices. Does your loved one have some item of clothing that makes you cringe? That you swear he cannot be allowed to wear out in public? That you’ve threatened to toss, burn, or otherwise eliminate from the face of the earth? Just as importantly, do you have any such items?

When I’m home in the summertime (by which I mean the 5 days in August when Portland goes above 70 degrees) I like to wear comfortable shorts. Not anything I would wear in public (the grocery store does not count as public). When we first got married they were a pair of cutoff bleached out jeans aka Daisy Dukes. Yes, I was that young and foolish. As time has passed they have morphed into a pair of grey knit drawstring lovelies that come to mid-thigh. They may also have bleach stains on them but let’s not get fussy, shall we? They are so comfy and they come up to my waist, none of this low rise BS that means I’m constantly tugging and adjusting. Needless to say, J despises these shorts and as we neared last weekend and its promise of 85°, and I sighed about getting them out, he made comments about them ‘not being around anymore’ or me not being able to find them.

Would he have dared? The man who still has the same pair of Birkenstocks he wore 20 years ago (yes, I went ahead and married a man who owns Birkenstocks)? Who sometimes wore them with socks around the house? If he had trespassed into my clothing we were going to have a war of the roses level altercation only not so nice.

Thankfully (for his sake), when I unpacked my summer clothes my faves were there, freshly laundered and so soft I was immediately happy. I put them on and went into the garage to prance around in front of hubby. He only smiled a nasty little smile and said, “It’s a reprieve and nothing more. At any minute….”


Here they are- inoffensive, delightfully soft, comfortable shorts. What's not to like?!

Do you own anything that your loved one wishes would quietly go away? Is anything of his cringeworthy?

4 comments:

Abby said...

I'm single, so I wear anything and everything I want all the time (usually yoga pants/shorts and T-shirts, which might be why I'm single.)

But I dated a good-looking guy for six years who couldn't have cared less what he wore, and although I'm not materialistic at all (see above,) he drove me nuts. He had this stupid "lucky" hat that was so old and worn that it had dissolved into something akin to a dish towel. He wore it all the time--backwards--with this stupid ass "lucky" T-shirt to places where he shouldn't have worn it.
He's lucky I didn't kick his ass.

Catherine said...

hhhmmm...then I guess they worked, right?

I think, with the exception of the shorts, I'm more bugged by my disinterest in clothes (I too wear almost nothing but sweats, tanks, and fleece). I used to have great stuff and really cared how I looked. Superficial, maybe, but clothes are fun!

Michelle Stiles said...

This is great. My husband prides himself on wearing his clothes until they are hanging on by strings. For a while we were traveling around living out of a van and he had these pants that turned into shorts because of the holes in the knees then the shorts had duct tape to hold them together. Seriously they had to go. While I am on a roll he has this sweatshirt that he loves, it is so faded, the pockets are coming off and it has stains on it. He still wears it out in public! Then I must admit, I wear shorts that are too small, he thinks they look like underwear... but I live in the PNW and I really never wear shorts (except for those very few days which never seem to come).

Catherine said...

Duct tape, Michelle, the male answer to anything that needs to be held together!

We're in Portland so I'm in the same position as far as shorts go- making it all the funnier that husband gets bent about mine when I wear them 2 days out of the year.

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