Now that I am officially 50 I’ve got AARP on my back sending me a membership card (which is a bit presumptuous), along with a bill to become a member, every month. Can we talk waste here? Is there where my dues would go- soliciting uninterested people with piles of cheery brochures showing happy energetic white-haired folk strolling on beaches? Let’s forget for a moment that retirement isn’t even in my lexicon anymore, so if your organization is for Retired Persons then you might want to check your data because I don't, and may never, qualify. Semantics aside, I still don’t appreciate the full court press to register myself as a senior citizen. What about holding off until I’m 60- unless that is, you can do something about my inability to find a job or healthcare, in which case, let’s talk.
Obviously, this is not an organization run by women or they’d know to soft sell the whole idea. Maybe with a ‘junior’ membership promising discounts at Ann Taylor (much more interesting then knowing I qualify for the early bird special at the local Sizzler). Ooooo…better yet, discount coupons for anti-aging skincare products like the Olay Pro-X series (apparently the closest thing to a facelift without the knife) or any fun girly thing aimed at women who want to maintain their youthful looks.
The point is, once I become a member mailings like the one above will flood my mailbox potentially crimping the pages of this month’s Vogue. Reading about the latest in sit-down-showers, adult diapers, assisted living facilities, law firms that specialize in estate planning (what estate?!) or scooters is not what I need right now. That time will come soon enough (and you can bet I’m getting a scooter and having J replace the engine with a turbine so I can terrorize everyone at Nordstrom’s) but for now I’m still focused on looking at pretty clothes.
I know AARP is a lobbying juggernaut and wields power in many circles but none that currently apply to me and, let’s not forget, it’s all about me. So, until such a time that I feel being a member will serve me, AARP please leave me alone. Don’t call me, I’ll call you.