Critical preface: I love my husband. I truly deeply love my husband. He is kind, thoughtful, funny, responsible, and smart and as seen in my last post, he takes very good care of me. Lest this get too goopy he can also be a pain in my ass, as in if I’m trying to share an opinion about a British television show and I say $350 dollars he will immediately point out that it’s pounds and that the cost would actually be much higher in dollars. Uhmm, I graduated from college and I know the conversion rate but it’s not germane to my story so why are you interrupting me? Is inaccuracy painful to you?
Anyway, this gem of humanity is going out of town for 5 days. I’m sorry, maybe I wasn’t clear:
HE’S GOING OUT OF TOWN FOR 5 DAYS
Did I mention that I’m unemployed and therefore home 95% of the time? Oh, and he works from home? Do the math and you’ll get my drift.
I call it solitude. Others, like my father, call it sullen, as in "Quit sulking on that rock young lady and go play with your brothers."
This calls for some serious joy and misbehaving. By misbehaving I mean:
watch TV until all hours and eat at the same time
restrict my food intake to 3 food groups- salt, sugar, wine (yes, it is)
my first encounter with my dear friend, chocolate
take up the whole bed
catch up on messy skincare regimens (they have no idea how much work it takes!)
And let's not forget: burp, mis-use his knives, wait until the dishwasher is full to run it.
Oh the mischief! Oh the mayhem!
The slothfest officially begins the minute I get back from the airport.