Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Advance Notice


There’s something going on inside me these days and it’s reaching the point where I’m afraid my head is going to split open and some slimy alien is going to fall out. Either that or I will start speaking in tongues.
I’ve noticed posts from various bloggers I follow on how they’re feeling lately and there does seem to be a low level of agita out there. I have a dear friend who says that divine discontent (as she calls it) is just the universe’s way of bringing something wonderful to fruition in your life. It’s a lovely thought but my response has always been, “OK, I get it now bring it on! I’m ready, I’m tired of waiting and feeling bad, let’s do this”. Apparently, though, that’s not how the universe works and it is her schedule not ours. So, I wait and stew and grind my teeth and try to write and self-medicate with junk food.
I know the genesis of this go-round. It was the loss of a job for the second time in five years while hurtling downhill towards 50 with no brakes. I’ve been coping but the witches’ brew of thoughts and emotions- not all negative, mind you- has been growing and I’m afraid it’s going to come out here which is really scary. Mostly because a blog should be entertaining and I don’t want to alienate (or more importantly, BORE) the 10 people who follow me and any others who drop by on occasion.
I’ll let Mary Oliver close this post as she says it better than I can.

 
The Journey

One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice--
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do--
determined to save
the only life you could save.

2 comments:

Sarah Mac said...

Ah, the head exploding alien, I feel for you! I'm scared to unleash mine for fear of what may happen.

But, at the same time, this is your space and a feakishly cheerful blog or one that aims to always entertain isn't real life is it?

I could write (and delete) a dozen posts a day and I have been known to.

My advice would be, write down how you feel, it helps. Save it for a day and if you still want to publish then do it. If you decide not to then maybe the act of writing it will help put things into perspective.

A good bitch and moan is good for the soul and I think you would be surprised at how empathetic many of your fellow bloggers are.

therhythmmethod said...

Paulo Coehlo says "tears are words waiting to be written". I think Sarah Mac has made a great suggestion - write it down, you don't have to hit publish. And even if you do publish, you might find like minded souls who understand what you're going through.
I think if you're brave enough to blog, you do so with a drive to make something more out of your life. And this often involves getting out of your comfort zone and testing yourself.
I really like your blog, I think you just go with what feels right and see where you can take it. Be kind to yourself. x

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